Don't Blink

Blog Post

Aug 8

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About 15 months ago, before I came to Tanzania for the firsttime, me and my boyfriend at the time had a bad breakup and I'm not going tolie, I was completely heart broken. As they say, when it rains, it pours-- andyes sure enough, after we broke up, everything else seemed to be falling apart.Days continued to come and go and before I knew it, two months had passed andit was time for me to leave for Africa. I was excited to go but I was unsure ofwhat to expect there. Little did I know, it would be the best thing that everhappened to me. "When you find yourself in some far off place and itcauses you to rethink some things you start to sense that slowly you'rebecoming someone else, then you find yourself. When you make new friends, in abrand new town and you start to think about settling down, the things thatwould have been lost on you are now clear as a bell, and you find yourself.Well you go through life so sure of where you're headed and you wind up lostand its the best thing that could of happened, because when you lose your way,its really just as well because that’s when you find yourself. I have foundmyself.

Don't blink. Time flies by too quickly. I feel like I justgot to Tanzania and now I only have 4 more days here. The thought alone that Ihave such little time left here at home brings tears to my eyes. And to thekids eyes. What hurts me the most is that no matter how many times I tell them,I don't think they truly know HOW MUCH they mean to me. But as I am writing this, Lucky just toldme that he doesn't want me to leave and that he will hide my bags, my phone,and my passport so I cannot go. So sweet. The kids here and my friends backhome always want to know why I don't want to go home where I have everything Icould ever need back home. This "perfect" life. I look at the kidsand tell them, "yeah everything but you.." and besides, all this"things" I have back home, they aren't what I want. They are justthings. I don't need things. I need people. I need experiences. I need laughter.I need tradition and a community that respects one another. I need culture. Ilove serving others. And catering to their needs, and in turn, it caters to myneeds because all I need in life is to be happy, and here, I find that everyday. Its funny to me-- every time someone looks at my blog or my pictures theFIRST thing they say is "AWW you look SOO happy" or "you sound soo happy". Well they are right. I don't only look happy, I AM happy. Myinner spirit is mirroring the smile on my face and my heart truly feels warm. Ilook at them and I fell myself living for someone else. I am not living for me.The things I do everyday, yes they make me happy, but they only make me happybecause I see that they make my kids happy. I like being different. The thingsI do here matter. They are important. And I am able to see the effect of myhard work. I'm proud of the person I am when I am here because I feel like I'mbeing ME. The REAL me. No makeup, no hair dryer, no nice clothes, or nicejewelry, no manicure or pedicure or facial or anything-- just me. In my purestand realest form. I don't need menial little conversations and small talk andgossip that occupy our lives when I am in America. I don't want to talk aboutwho did what to who or who is dating so and so's ex-boyfriend. I want to talkabout the things that matter. Family, education, laughter, how we together canmake a difference in this world. I want to teach. I want to teach parents theimportance of loving your child and how a little quality time and a hug and akiss can mean so much. I like teaching alternative ways to discipline insteadof hitting children and explaining WHY hitting isn't the answer and WHY it isSO IMPORTANT to give children choices. A very smart woman, the founder of Toto Aid, Urmila Kumar, oncetold me "if you are born blessed, those blessings aren't for you tokeep" they are instead there for you to take around the world to spreadlove and joy and to bless the lives of other individuals. I am enjoying beinghere and heeding her advice. Speaking of her, I actually went to Arusha tovisit with her board members and see her work. --I know I haven't bloggedlately, so I will do a quick recap of the last two weeks.

Two weeks ago I went to Arusha to meet with Toto Aid and metDavi and Sajeeda. I went to visit schools and to talk about scholarships forthe Tuleeni kids. Jordan and Rachelle came with me and we stayed with Davi andhis family for three days and two nights. It was LOVELY. Davi and Sajeeda tookus to Edmond Rice School to meet 8 of the students that HEF/Toto aid sponsors.The school was beautiful. It was amazing to see these children's dreams comingtrue and how Urmila is responsible for helping them. What a remarkable woman!After we went to Edmond rice, we went with Sajeeda to the New Life Academywhere we interviewed class seven students who would be entering secondaryschool in the fall. We are interested in sponsoring these kids and so we weregetting all their grades and interviewing them to see which ones we thought wouldbe best for the Toto-aid program. In November, there is the nationalexamination for entry into secondary school. It is only over math and Englishand the entire test is in English. The class 7 Tuleeni kids will go to takethis exam. If they score 60% or above, they are eligible to go to Edmond Rice--Sajeeda is coming to Moshe this week to meet the Tuleeni class 7 students andto see who they want to sponsor-- even if they decide that the child would be agood individual to sponsor, it is in the child's hands to ace that exam to beable to enter the schools which Toto Aid pays for. This is what Jordan,Rachelle and I have been tutoring the kids for-- this is the opportunity of aLIFE TIME for them and could truly turn EVERYTHING around for them. I would LOVEfor them to get this chance and I really hope some of them can pass this exam.When we were in Arusha, we went to the Masaai market and I bought lots ofbeaded things! I found these two beautiful little beaded angels-- I bought bothof them.

When we returned to Moshi on Wednesday, I gathered mama and thechildren in the living room and presented them with one of the angels. I toldthem that one angel would stay here with them and one would go with me toAmerica. This way, we would always be together and I will be able to watch overthem while I am away. Mama was BEYOND thrilled and the kids were so excited.They called it "Malaika Neema" which means "angel Neema"they put it way up high on the mantel so it is the first thing you see when youwalk into the house. The angel has a wood head and so the kids drew eyes and asmile on it. I also bought mama a new dress and head wrap. She danced around init and modeled for us and looked absolutely BEAUTIFUL. It was such a funevening. The following evening,there was no electricity as usual and everything was pitch black. I needed togo outside to get my sheets off the clothesline but couldn’t find myflashlight. I stepped on uneven ground and heard my ankle crack. I let out theloudest cry and of course, the kids have only ever seen me smiling and happy,so they were sooo worried. Duy and Mama carried me inside and wiped my tearsand found a cold water bottle and a cold can of jam to use as “ice” for myankle. The swelling was ridiculous. I didn’t go to the hospital because Ifigured it was just a sprain. Weput some candles in the living room while we rested my ankles. The kids allcame in and started to pray and sing worship songs in Swahili. They prayed formy fast recovery and for my safe return from Ghana. We sat together holdinghands in the dark and singing for about an hour. It was so wonderful and Icouldn’t help but tear up. We felt like such a family and I was thrilled tohave them with me at a time when I was hurting. Turns out, the next day, myankle was MASSIVE. Realllyyy nasty haha. But I was fine. Mama and the kidscontinued to worry as usual, which was sweet.

I left for Ghana the next day at4am. The flight was beyond miserable and there were so many complications. Itwas a full day of traveling… 24 hours. My hands and feet always swell up when Iam on an airplane but this time, my foot got HUGE!!! It was CRAZY! I spent one week in Ghana. It wasamazing and I truly enjoyed seeing another part of the continent that I love somuch but I was very homesick for Tanzania and missed mama and the kids so much.I spent most of my time with the staff there because the staff is made up ofGhanaian individuals and I always say, when I am in Africa, I want to be withAfricans-- I love Americans and other volunteers but I can be with Americanswhen I am in America. While I'm in Africa, I want to live like an African and Idon't want to be treated any differently. I helped cook every day, I was up atthe crack of dawn everyday, and I did my laundry by hand and ate thetraditional Ghanaian foods with my hands like I am supposed to. One of thestaff members, Vivian, told me that I am "a real black woman" ofcourse this put a HUGE smile on my face. I got my hair braided in its entiretywhile I was there and did some shopping for the kids. I volunteered at theHappy Kids Orphanage and School every morning and had a ball with the children.They were beautiful as always and had contagious smiles and giggles. We workedon three and four letter words all week and on Friday, my last day there, Igave them a test, they had to each write 10 three letter words and 10 fourletter words on a piece of paper and if they got 100% they got a piece ofcandy. They ALLLL studied the night before and all aced the test! I was sohappy for them and to know that I actually was able to teach them something.They lit up when they saw how proud of them I was. While in Ghana we went tothis monkey sanctuary where—it’s a big forest and you go in with bananas andthe monkeys literally jump out of the trees and land on your head or shouldersor arm etc. it was crazy. We also went to the largest waterfall in West Africaand did Batik making. All are pictured below. It was a great week and I learned a lot—however, I was soooexcited to return home to Tanzania. Whenever my airplane lands in Kilimanjaro, Iget this rush inside me that is like none other. There was something even morespecial about coming home this time because I had only been gone for a weekthen opposed to months like usual, and returning back to Tanzania made Tanzaniatruly feel like home. As soon as I landed, I was able to converse and speak thelanguage and the custom/immigration officers remembered me from the week beforeand said “welcome back neema” and it was so heart warming. Unfortunately, theairlines lost my bag and so I would have to return back the next day to go getit. The next morning, I ran outside to greet mama and all the children. Theyscreamed and laughed and hugged me and even picked me up. they were soooo happyto see me and I was even happier to be home. We all sat down together anddiscussed the trip—at about 2pm, Paul arrived at Tuleeni to drive me back tothe airport. The orphans have never been to the airport or seen a plane and soI took 4 of them on a little field trip—Jasiri, Jonas, Lucky, and LittleHellen. We jammed out to music with the windows down the entire drive there andthey were so excited when we pulled up to the airport. After I got my bag, Itook a picture of them in front of the airport. Before we left, I opened mysuitcase and took out the drums and other little presents I bought for themfrom Ghana. When we got back in the car, there was a mini concert in the backseat of the kids playing with the drums and being silly. It was such a fun afternoon.The Tuleeni kids and I were talking about me going home one day and they askedme “what will happen if you find some guy in America and you marry him thereand you don’t ever come back” it was too cute and sweet but I couldn’t help butgiggle. I told them that its going to take MUCH more than a man to keep me fromthem. But to reassure them, when I was in Ghana, I found this beautiful ringwith Africa on it. I bought it and put it on my ring finger and so now the kidsknow that I am “married to Africa.” They loved it and their smiles werepriceless.